Top Tips - From children, for separated parents with children
Updated: Nov 7, 2019
I have to put this on here as a blog as I feel so passionately about it. A lot of clients ask me about child arrangements, and I am always very clear with them that a child has the right to love and spend time with both of their parents (unless they are at risk of harm from one or other of them). They should not become part of their parents arguments or have to get involved in resolving any differences.
Below is a list of tips that came from children who are from separated families. They are also passionate about this and are desperate to get the message out there.
The FJYPB members are children and young people with experience of family law proceedings. They have devised these top tips for parents to help them think about matters from their child’s perspective.
‘LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD’
You can find out more about the FJYPB at Cafcass.gov.uk
• Remember I have the right to see both of my parents as long as it is safe for me.
• I can have a relationship with the partner of my other parent without this changing my love for you.
• Try to have good communication with my other parent because it will help me. Speak to them nicely.
• Keep my other parent updated about my needs and what is happening for me. I might need their help too.
• Don’t say bad things about my other parent, especially if I can hear. Remember I can often overhear your conversations or see your social media comments.
• Remember it is ok for me to love and have a relationship with my other parent.
• Don’t make me feel guilty about spending time with my other parent.
• Don’t make permanent decisions about my life based on how you feel at the moment.Think about how I feel now and how I might feel in the future. My wishes might change.
• Be open to change, be flexible and compromise when agreeing arrangements for me.
• Its ok with me if my parents don’t do things exactly the same. You are both different and that’s alright with me.
• Don’t be possessive over me and the things that belong to me. Make it easy for me to take the things I need when I spend time with my other parent, such as school work, PE kits, clothes, books, games, phone etc. Let me choose what I want to take with me.
• Keep me informed about any changes to my arrangements.
• Try not to feel hurt if I choose to spend time with my friends instead of seeing you. I am growing up!
• Remember that important dates (birthdays, celebrations, parents evening, sports day etc.) are special to you, me and my other parent. I may want to share my time on those dates with each of you.
• Work out between you and my other parent who is responsible for the extra things I need, such as new school shoes and uniform, school trips, dinner money and the cost of my hobbies or after school activities. I don’t want to be involved in this.
If you need any help talking this through and getting to a plan, then please call or email me on 07814009408 or firstname.lastname@example.org