• Emily Pringle

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Updated: Nov 7, 2019

No marriage is perfect, and we all go through tough times at various points in our marriages. What can look perfect from the outside, is often far from it on the inside. Every couple has struggles, and for some the struggles are so great that they believe their relationship could be over.

But there are things to consider if you feel that you are in this position:

Some aren’t bad all the time or even most of the time - usually situational as a reaction to something.

What is bad for some couples is not bad for others, and could be perfectly normal in some relationships.

So how do you know whether to call time on your marriage?

There are some situations where it's important to face into the reality of your relationship, and you needing to walk away - physical or emotional abuse, refusal to treat addictions, setting an unacceptable example of marriage to dependants.

Apart from the above, things can often be worked at, and a lot of our clients find that they just need some help to work things through.

Marriages need work. They need focus, attention, love, honesty, trust, and communication.

What do clients say causes problems in their marriage?

  • Betrayal of trust - physical or emotional

  • Lack of communication

  • Ignoring problems on either side

  • Working against each other rather than together

  • Not listening

  • Being taken for granted

  • Not meeting sexual needs

  • Not meeting needs for intimacy

  • Keeping secrets/lying

  • Resentment

  • Apathy

  • Prolonged or repeated absences

  • Infidelity

  • Anger issues

  • Selfishness

  • Misaligned parenting

  • Wider family conflict

  • Abuse - physical or emotional

  • Addictions

  • Contempt

  • Rudeness

  • Name calling

Although all of the above can cause problems, and regularly do so, they are not always a sign that you need to leave your marriage (with the exception of abuse, untreated addictions, and poor example of marriage being shown to dependants).

As we've already said - a marriage needs to be worked at and looked after.

If you can identify that you have a problem, or problems in your marriage, then that is the first step on the journey of understanding whether you should stay or leave.

Knowing that you have a problem opens up a raft of questions to ask yourself - some examples below:

  • Can I spend the rest of my life in this relationship as it is?

  • Do I still love my spouse enough to want to work on things?

  • What am I willing to do to make it better?

  • Do I have hope things can be better?

The Divorce Partner works with clients, using coaching, to help them gain the clarity on what they want from their relationships.

A marriage is an investment - treat it as one, and give it the focus it needs. You deserve to know that you tried your best.

Should you stay or should you go?

Contact me to gain clarity on your thoughts.

It’s only by asking tough questions like this and answering them with brutal honesty that you’ll ever know if your marriage is bad enough to leave or just bad enough that can be made better.